You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
