I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
