There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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