I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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