you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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