I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
