I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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