your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
then he tried to convert me to islam
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
