Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
