In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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