i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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