she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
