So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
