I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think we might need a safe word for this...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
