Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
