I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
