and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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