Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
