Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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