Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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