I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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