I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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