Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
