My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
