she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
