P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
ttyl tear gas
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
