I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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