the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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