I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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