After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
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Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
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You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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