Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
