Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize