he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
