Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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