girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
