i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
