Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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