He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
