Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
