Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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