Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
