yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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