Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
