I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
