no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
