I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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