he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm too high and old for this...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
