never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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