So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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