There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
