if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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