After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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