He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
