Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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