Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
