he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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