If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's official drugs can't kill me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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