I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
