I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
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He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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