Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
someone owes me an orgasm
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am mentally ready for anal.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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