I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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