I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
