I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
