her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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