I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
