you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
