Define "chronic" masturbator.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
