It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
