did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
