His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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