Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's official drugs can't kill me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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