my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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