i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He felt like a one man threesome
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
